A series of emails I recently exchanged with the Spotify support team.
4/17/19
Hello Spotify!
I recently enrolled at The Texas A&M University School of Law in Ft. Worth Texas. I am excited about this for several reasons—not least because it means I can finally take advantage of your generous student plan. Unfortunately, your online system seems unable to verify that I am actually a student.
Please note that I have created my account with my university-issued email address. In the event you need further proof of my enrollment, please find attached my transcript, my official acceptance letter, and my FAFSA acknowledgement of student aid through A&M.
Looking forward to deadening my existential pain by streaming endless episodes of Rick & Morty on Hulu this summer.
Best,
Tanner
4/18/19
Dear Mr. Wadsworth,
Thank you for your interest in Spotify Premium for Students. We’re proud to support university students around the world with an unbeatable offer. We feel like it’s the least we can do.
Your application for this service is paused, pending verification of your enrollment at Texas A&M University. Unfortunately, the documents you provided do not meet our standard of verification. Please provide us with documents that prove you are enrolled.
Best,
The Spotify Team
4/18/19
Dear Spotify,
Thank you for your swift response. Please find attached a scanned copy of my student ID and Verification of Enrollment at Texas A&M provided by The National Student Clearinghouse.
I hope we can get this cleared up quickly. You may not know that I live in a tiny cabin in the Idaho woods—a classic entertainment desert. I need this for my sanity. Please.
Best,
Tanner
4/18/19
Dear Mr. Wadsworth,
Thank you for the documents. We pride ourselves on our commitment to supporting students. Forgive us a touch of hyperbole when we say we are always ready to bend over backwards in our untiring quest to be accommodating and supportive.
With that said, the documents you uploaded could potentially have been fabricated—it’s conceivable that you have friends in high places at the National Student Clearinghouse and bribed or persuaded them to verify your enrollment in bad faith—and so we unfortunately cannot grant you access to Spotify Premium for Students without further verification.
Please provide us with documents that meet our standard of proof.
Looking forward to having you as part of our Spotify Student family soon. Until then, you will continue to be charged the standard extortionate rate for our anemic regular service.
Best,
The Spotify Team
4/18/19
Dear Spotify,
I haven’t seen another human being in days. I have no books left to read. My cash reserves are dangerously low.
Please find attached my tuition receipts, a notarized letter from Michael K. Young, President of Texas A&M University confirming my enrollment, a sworn affidavit from US Attorney General William Barr affirming the same, and a $100 bill. Do with it what you will.
Yours in pathetic desperation,
Tanner
4/18/19
Dear Mr. Wadsworth,
Thank you for your continued interest. At Spotify, we love students. We love them so much that we created this unbelievable deal for them. Spotify Premium for Students is such a good deal it’s almost too good to be true. Almost.
Please understand that it wouldn’t be fair to the other students if we let just anyone into this special program. We verify enrollment to ensure that unscrupulous losers can’t take advantage of our limitless Scandinavian benevolence.
When you can prove your enrollment, please let us know. Until then, thank you for supporting our shareholders by paying full price for our standard service.
Best,
The Spotify Team