PITTSBURGH, PA — Company spokespeople announced today that ChainSAW Media LLC has cancelled its upcoming children's program, tentatively titled "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood," citing irreconcilable creative differences with prospective host Fred McFeely Rogers.
Despite being conceived for public television, the rights to the show were acquired by ChainSAW Media after public backlash to the Arthur "Gay Rat Wedding" episode prompted congress to slash funding to PBS, which jettisoned programming.
Mr. Rogers (40), a sprightly seminarian and minister from Pittsburgh, met studio executives and production staff for the first time in April, where ChainSAW CEO Larry Vaynerchic outlined his vision for the show as "Platform-neutral, binge-able, bite-size, ad-supported premium content for Generation Alpha."
In the breakout sessions that followed, Mr. Rogers' described to a packed writer's room his intention to begin each episode exactly the same way—entering through a flimsy prop door, slipping out of his blazer and donning a sweater while singing a song of his own composition called "It's a Beautiful Day in This Neighborhood."
This brought immediate protests from the brand planners in the room, who cited research indicating that children between the ages of 4–12 engage best with content that is varied and surprising. An unvaried entrance would diminish the videos' completion rates and thus their potential for monetization.
Besides, the production company had already hired a deep stable of Tony-winning songwriters and lyricists to create catchy hit songs for the program. Many were already recorded and licensed, watched over by elite teams of IP lawyers who were even now circling Youtube like hawks with copyright strikes in their talons.
The prop door was unfortunately out of the question as well, noted a cost consultant. The episodes would be shot in front of a green screen with lovable, merchandisable animated characters added behind him.
Mr. Rogers, baffled but unruffled, described his plan to convey important messages to children through the various interactions of neighborhood characters, both real and imagined. Particularly important, he said, was a stuffed feline puppet named Daniel Striped Tiger.
Unfortunately, the first twenty episodes of the show had already been written by Emmy-Award-Winning writers, each one a scintillating tear-jerker or laugh-fest respectively. While they could potentially work in the tiger, it would have to wait for second season. Until then, Mr. Rogers would be appearing beside an up-and-coming makeup Youtuber, whose pull with young audiences was already well-established.
Most episodes would center around a futuristic kitchen, where Mr. Rogers and his makeup sidekick would take turns unboxing various products provided by sponsors. (Vaynerchic, the ChainSAW Media CEO, recently gave a talk at Cannes about production companies' imperative need to find creative, non-traditional revenue streams).
The DP politely shot down Mr. Rogers' plan to set some of the action in a miniaturized neighborhood, noting that miniatures just don't look very good on vertical video—a necessity when kid's consume most of their content on phones and tablets.
The meeting ended on a terse note as Mr. Rogers called the company's motives into question. When he stated that the show's impact and message were more important to him than its technical brilliance, conformity with data trends, or marketability, several studio executives walked out of the room.
Rather than continuing with the Mr. Rogers program, ChainSAW Media will be aggressively pursuing the rights to ChuChu TV's smash-hit "Johnny, Johnny, Yes Papa" video series, which Vaynerchic says will be a better fit with the company's corporate culture and growth targets.